I CAN remember the last time I felt a deep sense of grief.
It was when my dear mother Kathleen passed away in October 2005.
'Nan', as my sisters and all her grandchildren referred to her, was a wonderful and kind matriarch who happened to be a hardened rugby league fan, who loved reading the newspapers, and ringing up talk back radio using her alias Kate. Her team, of course, was the Kiwis and her favourite player was none other than Stacey Jones.
I couldn’t help thinking about Nan last Sunday as I witnessed the thousands of Bradford fans pouring onto the pitch at Odsal at full-time.
I’ve known since shortly after I arrived in the UK, just how very special Odsal Stadium is to the generations of fans who have graced the terraces.
I had seen the grief among the families of Bradfordians, when Southbank hosted funerals in the past, and I had also witnessed the spreading of ashes at the stadium, but it caused tears in my eyes to see such an out pouring of emotion on Sunday.
No matter what your view was on having to vacate Odsal, for one last time, fans, friends and families came together in what was a very moving experience.
I got to hear countless people telling me of their individual stories.
Each was unique, but had a very similar theme. It was about how Odsal had been a part of their lives growing up. It was a place to meet, to socialise, to experience joy, love, heartache and sorrow. It had also become a place to farewell loved ones. Odsal was interwoven into the fabric of their DNA.
It was plain to see, that Odsal is the spiritual home for Bradfordians alike, a monument and icon, that is unique and special in the hearts of so many.
I sat quietly on my own, watching our team carve the Sheffield Eagles up, when Simon Foster, son of the Bradford legend Trevor Foster, sought me out. He could see the pain in my eyes, and kindly sat with me, offering words of support and encouragement.
He said he understood the challenges a Championship team faced playing at Odsal, and kindly offered his personal support to me.
As full-time arrived, and players and fans commenced their celebrations, I looked down at the ground, honestly hoping the earth would open up and swallow me.
It felt like I had failed generations of supporters. I felt Nan was looking down from above asking her youngest son, 'What good are brains son if you can’t solve this problem?'
As I think more deeply about the Odsal situation, what becomes clearer to me, is that I simply can’t solve this problem on my own.
It will need the intervention of our fans and supporters to hatch a solution, and that will take time.
We have to be based at the Tetley Stadium, Dewsbury for the next season, but being separated from the financial burden of Odsal in 2020, presents in my mind, an opportunity for fans and supporters to hatch a permanent solution and protect the ground for future generations. Acting as custodians is essential.
It’s generally not in my nature to blame others for problems. I try to focus on what the solution might be.
But pure and simple, the RFL should not hold the leasehold interest in Odsal Stadium, and I think the Bradford Council needs to probably relinquish the freehold interest as well. Not to me.
I didn’t fly around the world to own a stadium, but perhaps owned and controlled by a trust or community entity that could safe guard and raise funds to upgrade Odsal Stadium.
I’m not thinking a Superdome, more a cost effective refit and refresh.
We need to protect the sanctity of Old Lady Odsal, but it will take people putting their hands up and saying – 'I want to help'.
Perhaps we need to form a new body - the Guardians of Odsal. To protect the ground and stadium from others – including club owners.
I will be interested in your views as to how best to protect Odsal Stadium for future generations. I do favour solutions where the people vote, choose, and take control of their destiny. A point seemingly lost on some of our high-profile Westminster politicians at present.
I’m sure our local politicians will be looking at the huge support the Bradford Bulls command, and the show of unity centred around Odsal, and thinking that Sunday's outpouring of emotion is a massive statement. Well it is. But collectively let’s do something about it, let’s plot a course with self-determination at its heart. Let the people choose.
After Sunday's game I headed back to the flat, and put on a music video by Coldplay, which summed up pretty well how I was feeling.
Check out 'Fix You' by Coldplay. Having seen them play live around the world, and heard this track played live, maybe the five musicians who make up the band might one day play at a revamped and refitted Odsal Stadium.
The lyrics, 'When the tears come streaming down your face, cause you lose something you can't replace' says it all.
If we all stand together we can make a difference. Thanks Nan.
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