Dog walking isn’t as easy as it looks.

We thought taking Ted, a well-behaved Labrador cross for a few strolls while he holidayed with my neighbour, would be a piece of cake. And, for the most part, it was.

But then there’s all those unwritten rules that those of us who don’t have a dog are unaware of.

From a distance, dog walkers size each other up. Their minds go into overdrive as they assess whether the approaching hound is one of a number of things – friendly, unfriendly, friendly but capable of overpowering, timid and retiring, vicious but controlled, vicious and completely out-of-control – the list goes on.

This is what dog people do when out for a walk. It’s not a criticism – those of us who don’t belong to the dog fraternity look for exactly the same things in people.

When Dogs who have never met before come together, there’s a few moments of worry as to how they will react – whether bottoms will be sniffed or fangs will be bared. Sometimes both happens within the space of a minute.

For the novice dog walker, when growls erupt, it can be quite disconcerting. Does it mean they’re play-fighting or they’ve got a blood lust? Do you pull your dog away, as if you don’t trust the other dog, or let them carry on? It’s like saying I dont want my child playing with yours.

Dogs are very Jekyll and Hyde, snarling one second, licking the next. “He’s very gentle,” you say, and a moment later your dog starts behaving like Cujo. Teddy wasn’t like that, but he had a few growly, teeth-baring moments with other canines.

Then there’s ball and stick etiquette. They tend to steal each other’s. I felt sorry for tolerant Teddy as, time and time again, another dog ran off with his ball.

I suppose I should be grateful. I didn’t have the luxury of one of those throwing contraptions and with all that dog slather, I felt like I was picking up a ball of spit.

And I don’t enjoy collecting poo. Sometimes the consistency makes it impossible to get the lot. I don’t know what proper dog walkers do – I haven’t seen anyone with a high-pressure jet – but I ended up guiltily covering the remainder with grass.

Dogs get you out of the house, but it’s hard to do a proper, uninterrupted walk – either you’re looking for him or calling him, throwing stuff, putting him on the lead, taking him off the lead, or picking up poo.

Then there’s the washing when they jump in the river and come out smelling like a sewage farm. It’s not for me. Cats are far less hassle.