Beloved football pundit Chris Kamara says he contemplated suicide over his ongoing battle with apraxia in a heartbreaking admission.
He revealed this in his new book titled 'Kammy: My Unbelievable Life!' after previously leaving his role with Sky Sports following his diagnosis with the speech condition.
He said that his underactive thyroid left him feeling like a "fraud" and as if someone else was controlling his voice.
Chris Kamara contemplated suicide over his apraxia battle
In his new book, which is being serialised by the Mirror, Chris Kamara revealed that he did not want to become a 'burden' on his wife while at his lowest points following his apraxia diagnosis.
The former Sky Sports pundit wrote: “I’m going to admit something now, something I’ve never mentioned before. It’s hard for me to talk about, so bear with me.
“I worried about where I was going to end up. Would my physical and neurological deterioration just keep going and going? And I worried more about the effect it would have on those around me.
“I’m a man who has always wanted to help, to provide, to love and nurture those around me. And now I could only see myself as a burden. A shell of the man I used to be that they would be left to look after.
“Seeing myself like that was like staring into an abyss. I could never reconcile that image in my head. It was unthinkable.
“And it’s at that point I’d think, ‘They’d be better off without me.’”
The celebrity presenter later revealed that the suicide of Gary Speed in 2011 came to his mind, explaining: “I thought of Gary Speed and then I thought of my own position – a man in his mid-sixties, whose best days, because of a brain condition, were gone, struggling on while becoming a weight on all around him. Whose wife and children would be left to deal with whatever I became.
“I didn’t want that for Anne and the boys. So how do you prevent it from happening? You take yourself out of the picture.
“There were times when I definitely thought that was a way out. If you’re stuck in a maze, with no sign of an escape route, eventually you’ll try something extreme. Especially if you have chosen to wander that maze alone.”
The Samaritans are available to speak to for free via 116 123 or jo@samaritans.org.
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