I am reading a story in the newspaper about someone who has made £100,000 from a video he uploaded on the video sharing website youTube. You may well have seen this video; it is of a small child biting another child’s finger.

I am at a loss as to how this fairly everyday practice in households with small children can actually earn money, but reading on I learn that because a gazillion people have viewed the video, advertisers are falling over themselves to tout their wares alongside this video.

I thoughtfully glance over the top of the newspaper at my children. They are having an argument over, I think, a yo-yo.

Charlie pulls the kind of face that, were this the Victorian age, would earn him an invitation to join a travelling circus. Alice growls: “Why is my brother so annoying?” and storms off.

I curse that I didn’t have my camera to hand. I imagine the hits clocking up as the video, entitled “Why is my brother so annoying?” goes viral. I wonder, briefly, if I can manufacture another argument by creating a situation over the ownership of a yo-yo, but then I think what my wife would say if I put a video on youTube of the children fighting over a yo-yo. Not even £100,000 would soften the blow.

A few days later Alice asks me to watch a thing she’s invented. She puts her hands at either side of her face and pushes, scrunching her cheeks and eyes up.

Then she issues a monologue about asking her daddy to take her to the shop in the car, then telling him he’s going too fast, and asking him to put the brake on. At that moment she pulls her hands back, stretching her face as though she’s just splatted against the windscreen.

I shriek with laughter. I genuinely find this actually hilarious, and make her do it again and again while I film on my phone. Eventually she gets fed up and asks me to stop telling her to do it. I realise, sadly, that I have ground a special moment into the dust under my boot-heel.

We decide to not go down the candid route, but to instead become cinema auteurs. Alice is amassing a collection of Sylvanian Families animal figures, and using the farmhouse she received at Christmas, we begin to film a series of complicated scenes which we later stitch together on the computer and post to youTube.

You can find it by searching “Highfields Farm ep 1”. It starts off well, with a love scene, but the middle sags a bit. The finale, in which a cow goes mad and has to be shot by the Chocolate Labrador daddy, is quite exciting though.

At time of writing it has had 24 hits. Still, plenty of time. £100,000 by this time next year, definitely.