Overcoming the pain of losing a baby

But these women have more in common than just friendship. They have each suffered the pain of losing a baby. Each of them has gone on to give birth to healthy infants, but their loss, and the numb feeling left in its wake, will not be forgotten.

"I thought for a while that I had come to terms with what happened," says Elaine, 48. "But when I met others who had been through similar experiences I realised that I had not - in terms of the emotional impact it is huge, it never leaves you."

The mother of two grown-up daughters, who lives in Idle, lost her unborn baby 26 years ago while on holiday in Spain.

Health visitor Sharon, 39, from Leeds, miscarried three times, and went through a further three anxious pregnancies to give birth to her children, now 13, ten and seven.

And Sarah, 27, of Fairweather Green, lost twins 18 months into her first pregnancy after going into labour. She is now mum to sons aged two and 18 months.

Despite coming through their ordeal, and going on to have families, the women - who did know each other at the time of their loss - felt they wanted to help others suffering similar experiences. Not through counselling or self-help groups, but by looking for answers as to the causes of pregnancy loss.

Group chairman Sharon found out about the London-based baby charity Tommy's, which carries out research into why complications occur in pregnancy, and began to raise funds for its work.

Out-of-the-blue, she got a call from the charity's head office asking whether she would run a group in Yorkshire.

"Up until then support was very much concentrated in the south of England, while in the North there were a few individuals fundraising, but not a co-ordinated effort," says Sharon.

Those helping to raise funds independently were put in touch with one another and the Yorkshire branch of Tommy's was born. "To begin with there was just a handful of us, then we became quite big, with more people joining from across Yorkshire," she adds.

Ten years on, members of Tommy's in Yorkshire - who describe themselves as "a group of passionate and like-minded women" - have raised more than £30,000 through events ranging from summer balls, to fashion shows, balloon races, pamper evenings and raffles.

"We have done so much over the past decade, with members of the group coming up with ideas and working hard to organise events," says Elaine, who acts as secretary. "We started a decade ago with a fashion show in the Midland Hotel, Bradford, attended by stars from Emmerdale, and this week we are celebrating our tenth birthday with a party at the Guide Post Hotel in Low Moor.

"People want to make a difference. They have experienced a tragedy in their lives and want to contribute by raising awareness and raising funds for research to find the answers."

She recalls the time she lost her baby while on holiday. "I was just over five months' pregnant and I started bleeding and I didn't know whether it was normal or not. I didn't know what was happening and no-one spoke English - it was awful."

Tommy's was founded in 1992, since when it has funded more than 60 research projects and established centres for research into fetal health in London and Manchester.

It aims to find out why problems occur in pregnancy, whether some people are more at risk than others and how these problems can be prevented from happening. It also provides medical professionals, parents and parents-to-be with information about pregnancy health issues.

Among its many achievements is proving that vitamins C and E do not prevent pre-eclampsia - the most common of the serious complications of pregnancy characterised by high blood pressure and the presence of protein in the urtine - in high-risk women.

The charity has also developed the UK's first accurate blood pressure monitor for pre-eclampsia, made crucial breakthroughs in miscarriage research by investigating the placenta, and challenged antibiotic treatments which can increase the risk of pre-term birth.

Tommy's offers a telephone information service to help pregnant women and their partners, couples considering pregnancy, parents and health professionals.

The Yorkshire group, which has strong links with the charity's London base, meets regularly and last year was invited to see the fruits of its fundraising efforts on a visit to the charity's research unit at St Mary's Hospital in Manchester.

"It was wonderful to see how the money is being spent, says Sharon. "The research is so vital. Parents who lose babies do ask themselves why it happened. This was particularly the case with me, working in the medical profession. You ask, Was it my fault?'"

Elaine stresses how a loss affects not only the parents, but the extended family too - and it is good for them to become involved in fundraising too. "It affects the whole family, adults and children. It is great for them to get involved with events, and come along as helpers."

Meetings and events are always upbeat. "We focus on the positive, on going forward," says Sarah, whose loss was made more bearable through the "fantastic" support she received from staff at Bradford Royal Infirmary. "I didn't necessarily want someone to talk to when I joined. Me and my husband James had met some people at our local church who had been in a similar situation and we had talked openly about it with them, which helped. We became involved with Tommy's because we didn't want anybody else to go through what we went through."

This year has seen the launch of a website, www.tommysinyorkshire. co.uk.

Says Sharon: "People come to the group for different reasons. We have fun but most of all we feel we are making a difference. You feel as if you want to make a difference to someone else's potential to having a healthy baby."


ALL ABOUT TOMMY'S
l The tenth birthday party of Tommy's in Yorkshire will be held on Sunday from 2pm to 4pm at the Best Western Guide Post Hotel in Bradford, featuring activities for children. For more information and tickets, or if you would like to join the group, visit www.tommysinyorkshire.co.uk or contact Elaine Law on 01274 621956.

l Tommy's telephone information service: 0870 777 30 60.

l e-mail: info@tommys.org l To donate to Tommy's call the charity's donations line on 0870 777 7676