TRAILER: A is for action – and absurd!

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It has been more than 25 years since George Peppard chewed on a cigar and uttered the immortal line, “I love it when a plan comes together!”.

Joe Carnahan’s big screen revamp of The A-Team doesn’t quite come together, lacking the low-rent charm of the original.

Indeed, nothing is impossible in this all-guns-blazing adventure for Colonel John ‘Hannibal’ Smith (Neeson), Lieutenant Templeton ‘Face’ Peck (Cooper), Captain ‘Howlin’ Mad’ Murdoch (Copley) and Sergeant Bosco ‘B.A.’ Baracus (Jackson).

Framed for the murder of their good friend General Morrison (McRaney), the enterprising soldiers break out of military prison and hijack a plane, which is subsequently shot down by military gunships.

The quick-thinking quartet leaps into an armoured tank – handily parked in the hold – just before the plane explodes, then parachutes to terra firma at breakneck speed, shooting down the gunships using the tank’s weapons systems.

Jessica Biel’s plucky heroine, newly-demoted army Lieutenant Charissa Sosa, isn’t kidding when she observes, “They are the best... and they specialise in the ridiculous.”

She gives chase along with tenacious CIA agent Lynch (Wilson) and his underlings.

The A-Team is preposterous, asking us to believe that each member of the squad possesses split-second timing to rescue their buddies from almost certain death.

Villains help the cause by delaying executions until the last second, as if they are expecting their plans to be thwarted.

Sure enough they are, reaching a crescendo with an overblown final showdown at the docks aboard a ship laden with cargo containers.

Neeson is miscast in a role that demands far more charisma as the master tactician who vows, “I’d rather face a firing squad than betray you guys.”

Thankfully, Cooper is a perfect fit for an incorrigible ladies man, merrily flaunting his washboard abs to pique the interest of wives and girlfriends in the audience.

Copley is often unintelligible as “a functioning lunatic”, who paints his face blue and pretends to be Braveheart, riding a hobbyhorse into battle against the English.

He bickers incessantly with Jackson’s hard man, who has the words ‘PITY’ and ‘FOOL’ tattooed across his knuckles.

Biel Biel is surplus to requirements, but Wilson has a ball as a dashing yet unconventional spook, who treats his perilous mission like a fun day out.

It’s no surprise when Charissa berates Lynch for riding roughshod over her agents and he cheekily retorts, “CIA’s got rules. They’re just cooler than yours.”

Carnahan augments most scenes with flashy special effects and a booming orchestral score that seems to have only one volume setting – deafening. At least the theme tune is still recognisable beneath all of the clatter.

For die-hard fans, the film affectionately pays tribute to the TV version with cameos from Dirk Benedict and Dwight Schultz aka the original Face and Murdoch after the end credits.