I shouldn't be here now I should be living in a New York loft conversion with a tall, dark, handsome man, whom I met as we queued for bagels at a corner delicatessen on a frosty winter morning.

This wonderful chap would be tender and loving as well as drop-dead gorgeous. He would take me across Central Park in a horse drawn carriage every weekend, and treat me to candlelit dinners at romantic restaurants.

That's how I imagined I'd be spending my life.

These aspirations arose from watching too many slushy old movies as a teenager. I would spend hours in front of TV wishing I was Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffanys or Shirley Maclaine in the Apartment.

I loved these films, and craved the romance they brought into my living room - I still do. there was no sex in these movies - maybe it was hinted at, but they were simply good, old-fashioned romances.

And, as Hollywood star Meg Ryan rightly says, we don't get enough of them anymore.

Now its all "Wham, bam, thank you ma'm." If someone hasn't got their kit off within the first couple of minutes viewers - men in particular - just aren't interested.

No wonder the blokes of today are a different breed. They buy you a curry, invite you in for coffee and expect you to go straight into Basic Instinct mode.

My film idols - Gregory Peck, henry Fonda, Jack Lemmon - wouldn't expect a girl to sit knickerless on the sofa in a mini skirt and do cabaret kicks on a first date. They'd label the likes of Sharon Stone a hooker and get straight on the phone to the vice squad.

They would be perfect gentlemen. They would offer a glass of wine and a Milk Tray, put on some music and sit down - at the other end of the sofa.

Now we've got Glenn Close and Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction ripping off each other's clothes as soon as they walk through the door, and having sex on the draining board.

And Jessica Lange and Jack Nicholson writhing about on the kitchen table in The Postman Always Rings Twice.

Is it any wonder the blokes of today expect you to go all the way only hours after you met?

I know there are a few modern-day romantic movies, like When Harry Met Sally - but it's women who rave about them. They're just not raunchy enough for the lads. Follow it up with When Harry Laid Sally and men would flock to the multiplex.

Give us more romance on the screen - then maybe we'll have more in real-life.

As it is I didn't ever find the man of my teenage dreams. But my husband comes a close second. He didn't even attempt to remove any clothing for at least a year (and then I asked him to help me take off my wellies after heavy snow).

Sadly, at the age of 37, there is no romance in my life. There is a lot of nappy changing, sleepless nights and arguments with my husband. But hearts and flowers? Not a bit of it.

Not that I'm complaining - that loft conversion would be pretty impractical with young children.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.