For some reason the people in charge of what goes in our newspapers and on our television screens seem to think we are all obsessed with Bill Clinton's sex life.

Whether he actually had sex with Monica Lewinsky or not appears to be more important than the rest of the events going on in the world.

If I remember correctly Miss Lewinsky was due to be a witness in a case of sexual harassment against Mr Clinton brought by another woman. That case was thrown out by judges.

Despite that the special prosecutor is still keen to pursue his interest in the President's sex life and is now tightly clinging on to a stained dress in the hope it might contain a remnant of Bill's bodily fluids.

Her extreme distress and chronic trauma

resulting from the events she endured allegedly at the hands (I imagine literally) of the President were miraculously cured by a large deposit in a bank account bearing her name.

However, the special prosecutor Kenneth Starr feels unable to conclude the whole ridiculous, expensive and pointless investigation which seems to have lost what useful direction it

barely had in the first place.

This obsession with whether the President did or did not gives a useful insight into the American psyche.

It seems to be in the USA that sex is a bad thing per se, and if Bill Clinton did have sex with a White House aide then he is a bad person who should not be holding the office of the most powerful person in the world.

Why anyone would want to share an intimate moment with an American in the first place is something I will never understand.

All that arrogance, ignorance, false sentimentality, self-obsession and greed would be almost impossible to deal with at close quarters.

We only have to watch American films or TV to get a rather worrying insight into their values.

Hardly anyone has sex in American films because the public do not think it is acceptable form of behaviour to be shown in public.

When people do rarely engage in intimate acts they are so sanitised as to render them laughable.

I'm begining to suspect that American women, unlike the rest of the world's female population, have small strips of Velcro implanted on the skin covering their sternum.

This ensures that whenever naked American women in films sit up in bed, the sheets - instead of obeying the laws of gravity and

slipping down, thus exposing the torso to the camera - invariably stay firmly stuck under the actress's chin, so as not to offend the audience.

American audiences hate to see naked bodies but they are quite happy as entertainment to see muscle-bound morons running around with machine guns shooting everyone within a

three-mile radius.

A society which constantly glorifies violence and vilifies sex is not one I would like to be a member of. The consequences of this cultural aberration were brought home last month. A sexually-frustrated American citizen decided to try to brighten his lonely existence by entering the Capitol Building and shooting everyone inside. Murder is common in America but I imagine sex is becoming exceptional. Feminists hold the view that any act of intimacy between a man and a woman or suggestion of such is

tantamount to rape.

They have turned to artificial insemination to produce designer babies. Men are so afraid of being prosecuted by women they often prefer to ward them off by cutting their hair short, growing large moustaches and parading about with their friends wearing tight leather clothing while the music of The Village People plays in the background.

Of course such trends cannot continue forever. If Americans continue to murder each other at such an alarming rate while at the same time refusing to procreate there will be none left within around 80 years.

When that happens the only person to blame will be special prosecutor Kenneth Starr whose one-man crusade will effectively outlaw any contact between people of opposite sex in the USA. If the President is not allowed to have sex, how can ordinary citizens be permitted to?

Reading the newspaper reports of the goings-on in the White House, I am always struck by the colourful names Americans have. Miss Lewinsky's lawyer is called 'Plato Cacheris' and another lawyer concerned with the evidence is called 'Anthony Zaccagnini'.

But the best one involved in the case by far is another women poor President Clinton has been alleged to have made sexual advances toward - White House volunteer 'Kathleen Willey'.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.