After the long summer holidays (not that there was much of a summer) we finally got the chance to get dolled up, wear lots of make-up and catch up on the latest gossip. (Well, the women anyway). Yes, it was time to attend another Asian wedding.

The invitation couldn't have come at a better time. My mother, poor thing, had been quite poorly for a number of weeks and we had been surviving on omelettes for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. We were feeling pretty fed up but the thought of dining on wedding food kept us going. That is not to say that I am rubbish at cooking - I always prefer fish and chips and pizza though I can rustle up a 'pasta surprise' - the surprise being nobody will eat it (so I suppose I must be quite rubbish).

We couldn't help but miss my mother's wonderful culinary treats - roast chicken and korma and pilau - especially since brother-from-Japan's arrival two weeks ago meant that there was a lot more cooking going on and mum was in the kitchen non-stop trying to stuff him with every delicacy known to man.

When he returned to Japan to his fish kebabs, the full strain hit my mother and she couldn't walk. The doctor prescribed bed-rest so, of course, she went shopping instead. It was only after that, when she was very poorly indeed, that she decided to have some rest.

When the day of the wedding dawned, I couldn't remember what clothes I was supposed to wear. Everything seemed to be stained (with grease - this always happens whenever I try to feed the little one.) I had to use a highly selective method of choosing an outfit (the one least covered in goo) and decide how to do my hair. It was too late to do anything fancy so I just left it. It was going to end up in the dish of curry anyway, so what was the point?

Men have it so easy. They just wear their favourite suit and shirt and they're off. I gave my mother more time to get ready because I knew her illness would delay her. However, she was still ready ages before me. In fact everyone was and I got told off.

We arrived at the wedding hall to find a huge white limousine parked outside the entrance. It was as big as a house and unnaturally long. This caused my little brother a bit of upset, as he was worried about how the car was going to take corners. We put this down to stress as he was waiting for his GCSE results. The beautifully decorated hall was quiet as prayers were said. Toddler sat in my lap and shattered the silence by saying something very shocking I swear I have never heard him say before, "Can I have my dinner now?" I almost fell off the chair.

when the glorious dinner arrived we tucked in like there was no tomorrow. So did Toddler. Afterwards we mingled and had a good old natter about things, catching up on the gossip and the strange things that people do when they are trying to get their sons married, such as thinking that they are so superior to everybody else.

and then as we went home in our very ordinary car, not big, not long and took a corner, Toddler was sick. Not surprisingly, I was sick and fed up too.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.