For Martin Fitzsimmons, his 40th birthday party was something really special - he and wife Carolyn created a stir with their fancy dress and enthusiastic dancing. As Carolyn's 40th approached the couple were looking forward to another big party, never imagining events which were to tear their world apart. Jan Winter met the devoted couple

THERE'S PLENTY of laughter in the Fitzsimmons household, with jokes about Martin's cooking and how the family eat out more often than they used to.

During 23 years of marriage he had never ironed a thing, he says, and although Martin helped out with the housework, it was Carolyn who cooked and cleaned for the family.

They married on Valentine's Day, a romantic gesture which has backfired, jokes Martin: gifts of bouquets of flowers are much more expensive at that time of year!

But now the couple are getting to know each other all over again after two decades of working full-time and raising a family.

And it is Carolyn's life-threatening brain tumour which has turned their lives upside down, forcing her to give up the work and social life she loved and him to learn the skills of running their home in Allerton as well as caring for and supporting his wife.

Says Carolyn: "We married when I was 17. We both worked full-time so we see a lot more of each other now, it's getting to know each other again, so that's nice."

Her rare brain tumour - said by doctors to be a one-in-five-million chance - was diagnosed after weeks of illness, when Carolyn was too sick and ill to leave her bed. "In one sense we were relieved that they had found something. But when they said it was life-threatening it was like a bombshell."

The tumour is not malignant - but its position in the brain stem means if it grows, it will affect every part of Carolyn's body.

Surgeons hoped to remove the tumour when they operated last November - but in the end were only able to take out 20 per cent, a fact which devastated Carolyn at the time.

And for Martin, the five-hour operation and its immediate aftermath were horrendous. "I walked round Leeds for the five hours, and it seemed like a fortnight, it really did. Then I went to see her afterwards and there were tubes everywhere. It shook me up, it really upset me.

"If someone had said two years ago that I would have to cope with this I would have said I couldn't. I really thought so. But you do. Your whole outlook is completely different. If you have to do something you do it. I don't know where it comes from."

The couple kept the whole truth about Carolyn's illness from their children, Shane, 22, Gavin, 21, and 18-year-old Joanne. The operation was exactly a month before Christmas, so Carolyn and Martin did not reveal the severity of the condition. Says Carolyn: "We told them I had a brain tumour but didn't tell them how serious. It was round about Christmas and we wanted to have a good Christmas in case it was my last."

A course of radiotherapy six weeks later left her sick and with hair falling out, and a stay in Manorlands hospice helped enormously, controlling her symptoms and giving Carolyn top-class care and attention.

Only months after the surgery, a doctor took Carolyn aside and broke the devastating news that she might only have months to live. It was a crushing blow for both her and Martin.

Carolyn remembers: "It only half sunk in. I thought: 'I don't feel I'm going to die'. I feel I've got years ahead of me but I was also thinking that the doctor must be right. Even now I can't believe it. I know I'm ill but I feel I have got at least four years or more, I don't know why I've got this idea of four years, but years rather than months. I'm only 39."

And there were a lot of tears. Says Martin: "We cried together." And Carolyn adds: "That first couple of days we couldn't look at each other without crying. Now one has an off-day and one is up."

Both are easy-going by nature and try not to waste time being anxious. Says Martin: "We know the score so there's no point in worrying."

Martin's employers, YEB, have been brilliant in helping him, and he has changed jobs so he can work regular hours and be with Carolyn within ten minutes if she needs him. They try to go out and about each day and to do things they enjoy, treating themselves to meals out, for example. They love the company of grand-daughter Lauren, who visits with dad Gavin every weekend.

"We make the most of everything, we don't put things off," says Martin.

Their children have been positive and supportive since they were told about their mother's condition, throwing themselves into fundraising events organised by friends and acquaintances who have amazed the couple with their kindness and support.

It is a million miles from the way of life Carolyn had enjoyed, working at Bradford Grammar School and enjoying nights out with friends. "I enjoy dancing, I went on girls' nights out for a laugh and a dance. They used to be brilliant nights, so I miss that," Carolyn says.

She now uses a walking stick to get about and needs to spend a large part of each day lying down, not only to rest but to relieve pain in her back.

Martin says one of Carolyn's wishes is to have a long soak in a bath - at the moment she is unable to get in and out of the bath and uses a chair in the shower. And it is such little things which can frustrate and upset her.

Pictures of Martin's 40th birthday party show an exuberant Carolyn, dressed in Wild West costume. Her dream was to take part in dare-devil activities such as paragliding.

She still hopes she will be able to dance on her 40th birthday in January. "I would like to be up and to dance by then, be in some kind of shape. We always said I would have a big party, we were planning on a big do, and I want to dance for that."

And the drug treatment - which means she still takes 26 tablets a day - has altered her appearance dramatically. In fact, some friends like to chat to Carolyn over the phone but find that seeing her is too traumatic for them.

She and Martin have been upset by people whispering about her appearance and staring when the couple are out. And on holiday in Jersey, after doctors advised that a foreign break would not be recommended in Carolyn's condition, only one other couple at the hotel spoke to them with others avoiding the couple.

They believe they might need counselling or other professional help if Carolyn suddenly becomes more ill.

Says Carolyn: "We will probably want to find out more but we have each other and we're content with that."

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