Mama mia. According to the news, government ministers think that going on holiday is bad for your education. Which is why they are always in the Bahamas, I presume. Anyway, I thought travel was supposed to broaden the mind.

But then I read further. The government is perturbed that truancy has risen by one per cent and that it is apparently condoned by parents. In other words, parents are taking their kids on holiday at the wrong times of the year. Ooh, la la.

What I liked about this report was that there was no difference between white and Asian parents - well, only culturally; the typical English family goes to Spain or Greece, we go to, of course, Pakistan or Bangladesh. The results, however, are the same: kids miss out on school.

It seems that the tour operators are at fault because as soon as the holidays come, what do those helpful, thoughtful, considerate people do? They raise the air fares.

And as everyone knows, going away during the six-week holiday is just pointless. It's hardly worth spending all that money when you know you are just going to spend your time under a ceiling fan trying to keep cool. And cursing because, if there is anything worse than lying under a ceiling fan, it is not lying under a ceiling fan because the power has gone again. (which happens as frequently in Pakistan as rain falls here in England). You feel like a turkey roasting at gas mark 11.

I have always thought it would be fun to go to Pakistan in the winter. I know of people who are lucky enough to spend the cold, frosty Februarys abroad, thus avoiding the indignity of having to skid down hills in an attempt to get to school/work.

But not me. Two weeks off school meant that it just wasn't worth going. Two weeks? Why, it takes that long to finish eating the lovingly prepared dawat meal that your aunties serve you when they take you home from the airport.

Two weeks is not long enough when you know you will end up in intensive care for at least twice as long because someone spiked your Pepsi with plain tap water to make it go further.

Two weeks is not long enough for you to fall out with your extended family (you didn't grovel in front of your sister-in-law, didn't bring a present for your third cousin twice removed but who keeps coming back). It's all family politics. And you wonder if you could sign up for a degree in it somewhere. With so many manipulative, sharp brains around, you find it incomprehensible that between them they cannot come up with one single politician who might be actually able to rule the country without causing bankruptcy and mayhem. But maybe it's a case of too many crooks spoiling the haandi (broth).

Meanwhile, children will still be taken out of school (and I don't condone going away for three months at a time - no dawat meal would last that long) and it will still be better to go away at Easter instead of the summer.

I know, why not make school holidays longer? Not only would the children's education not suffer, but you may find that the teacher shortage is also remedied as a result. Voila!

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.