The death of someone close is something we all face in our lives and it can leave you feeling shocked, depressed, angry and lonely. Bradford Bereavement Support is a group that provides counselling and help for people that are living with the death of a loved one. Heather Bishop spoke to a member of the group who, through his own experiences of bereavement, has gone on to help others.

GEOFF EARNSHAW'S first wife Freda died at the age of 40 after a long battle with cancer.

At 50, he was left alone with two teenage children to bring up and a home in Baildon to run as well as his job as an accountant.

He was one of the founder members of the service and through the group met his second wife, Zilla, to whom he has been married for 20 years.

"Because we knew Freda was ill, we did a lot of grieving before she died but it was still a terrible shock and nothing prepares you," said Geoff (pictured right), who is now 78 and a grandfather-of-five.

"I was devastated. Any loss is difficult but when you lose a partner who is very much loved it's a tremendous blow. The world just falls away. There was a sense of relief but I felt completely lost.

"Anger also comes into it. I kept asking why me, why did this have to happen to us? "It was very difficult for the children but they coped well and luckily we had the support of our family and the church.

"This is one thing that struck me when I joined the bereavement group - not everyone has this kind of support which is very important.

"I felt I was having to be a mother as well as a father to my children and they probably suffered because they needed a mother figure.

"I went into auto pilot at first and just tried to carry on but it's very difficult. I used to see people I knew cross over to the other side of the street to avoid talking to me because they didn't know what to say.

"When you lose a partner, everyone seems to be in couples and there's quite a lot of jealousy and envy there.

"Everything is an effort at first and I had to learn how to run a house and look after a family which was something Freda had always taken care of.

"You don't come through it overnight and it's a slow process that can take years.

"It was two or three years after Freda died that I really felt I could start living my life again.

"In the early days I never thought of marrying for a second time.

"My children left home and went to university but they always stayed in touch with me.

"From when my wife died I never had to go on holiday alone as they always invited me along with them even if it was a holiday with their friends.

"Through the church I met my second wife and got involved with the Shipley Volunteer Bureau.

"We were two of the people put forward to go on a course to become the first volunteers of the bereavement group.

"I thought it would help if I used my own experiences to help others who were going through a similar thing.

"I told my children about Zilla and they met her and gave me their seal of approval which helped enormously.

"We've been married 20 years now and I really feel that I've been very fortunate and been given another chance.

"At the time, Zilla had not been married or bereaved herself but she was a very understanding person.

"Now when I think of Freda, my memories are sweet rather than bitter but something can suddenly trigger off the sadness.

"It's a vulnerability you never lose. It can be just a photograph or a mention of a name and I can still cry very easily.

"The aim of being a counsellor is not to talk but to listen and it can often bring back painful memories for me.

"People come to us who, ten years after a death, still aren't coping.

"People block their grief away but find it keeps rearing its ugly head.

"The death of a partner is one of the most searching to deal with. You feel isolated and very much alone."

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