People in Manchester are celebrating. Something to do with football, I think, or maybe it's the Eurovision Song Contest which has everyone's spirits up, or the Bank Holiday. Whatever it is, I'm not knocking it.

When you're young you think that only your own happiness counts, but when you get older you realise you can be happy for other people, paradoxical as it sounds.

So I don't know anything about football (apart from that rather dodgy phase I went through in the Eighties when I supported Tottenham Hotspur and bought that record by my fave players Hoddle and Waddle, as you do) but I appreciate that Man U's hat-trick - of what I'm not sure either - deserved to hog the headlines.

For myself though, I have set my sights lower. I have decided to throw my disorganised, cluttered messy lifestyle out the window and have aims and objectives and targets. Consequently I have become a bit of an addict of those self-help books which come wafting over from America and tell you you can radically change your life in two weeks flat, get the job/man/home/child/figure/looks of your dream if you stuff loads of spinach juice down your neck and "awaken the child in you". Normally I don't get the chance to do this as my own very real child awakens first.

These so-called experts are vastly over-qualified, usually women with doctorates in psychology, unless they are men telling us women what men are really like. We don't need to read those books, we watch Friends or have brothers. The women have bouffant hairstyles, bright red lipstick and six-inch talons and they tell us there is no female emancipation, and if you want anything in life you have to be devious and manipulative.

I prefer the practical self-help books. The ones that don't screw with your mind. Not the ones called "How to save your money" and cost £30.

As a society we seem to have become dependent on these types of manuals. Maybe it's because the ones that come with anything that you have to assemble are total gibberish, so it is a relief to read something that makes a little bit of sense. Still, I am already quite proud of myself, I have made progress in fields I thought impossible.

Never mind fields, even in gardens. Once I didn't know where the switch was but now I can assemble a lawn mower and fix the cutting height.

Next I will be able to use the foot spa without being terrified of that scary vibrating noise. To show how tough I am I need to do something really hard like stay up till ten o'clock, but I'm working on it.

There are plenty of books that help you cope with say, Christmas, weddings, meeting the in-laws, and with exam time upon us the shelves are heaving with publications to help stressed people survive the swotting. Whatever your problem someone out there has written a book about it. I don't know if it will work for you but if you buy it, it will certainly help their finances.

And once you've survived the exams or made progress and achieved what you set out to do, you can celebrate and have a party. Manchester United don't need any help but if you haven't got a clue where to start, I know this great book

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.