Did you get one for Christmas? According to the newspapers 40 per cent of the population now have one even though experts have warned us that they frazzle the brain.

That's 24 million people who possess this must-have item. And I thought they must have been mad.

The last time I wrote about these items, I was quite disparaging. I had every right to be, of course, as I didn't have one, but now things have changed. I do have one - a mobile phone that is. But do I feel like I have gone up in the world? Of course not.

According to the news they were the top Christmas present in the country and an extra 2.4 million people found one in their stocking.

Now even old ladies have them and can be seen sitting on the bus having important conversations. Hurrah, now we can all pretend that we are important businessmen and are having high-powered business talks with all and sundry.

But that's not why I finally succumbed and decided to get one.

I have the phone as an absolute necessity for emergencies, for example, If Toddler has escaped from his maximum security nursery having finally been distressed by the Government's targets for four-year-olds.

Or in the supermarket when checking if the Baig clan want mushy peas or garden peas or to remind someone at home to turn the oven off.

They are for my convenience.

I am obviously not one of those who see them as a fashion accessory. If I was I would first try to get rid of my dreadful 1980s wardrobe, and stop dressing Toddler in dungarees.

Secondly, when I went to buy the phone I picked the cheapest which means I got the bulkiest, biggest contraption in history. It is almost as big as my normal phone.

Thirdly, I didn't get the phone with line rental which is what the trendy young things do. I don't have that many friends so I opted for the pre-pay vouchers which means I have the added bonus of being able to cut off from people unintentionally and have no warning. Absolutely great in emergencies.

Also, as I am not used to this thing, I still don't know my number which is good because I don't get interrupted. And to save batteries I keep the phone switched off most of the time.

In other words, I haven't really gained that much from having a mobile and what with now having to worry about losing it along with my purse, car keys and gloves, I feel more frazzled.

But at least my phone is visible. My brother's state-of-the-art phone from Japan is so small (and frighteningly trendy) that I am glad that at least I am able to see mine.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.