It's official! Being at home with baby is more wearing than a job.
Research has backed up what I've been saying for years - well, four to be exact - that staying at home with the kids can send stress levels soaring sky-high, way ahead of those experienced by lawyers, bankers and other female professionals (male too, I don't doubt).
I work part-time in a demanding job, but believe me, even the toughest days don't leave me feeling as exhausted, irate and totally wrecked as I feel after a day with two young children.
I reckon that if you've successfully brought up kids you're qualified to do anything. I've checked out the situations vacant columns and discovered that just about every skill they demand is more than adequately covered by being a parent.
Supervisory skills
Compared with a bunch of unruly kids, overseeing any group of adults - bar a roomful of drunken football hooligans - would be a doddle. With adults you don't, literally, need eyes in the back of your head. At least you know they're not going to stick pen tops, stones, keys and any other small objects they can get their hands on into their mouths and attempt to swallow them. And adults don't grab the back of your legs for attention every five seconds.
Budget control
When you realise that nursery fees are going to cost double your mortgage, that nappies are almost £6 a packet, that children never stop eating and grow out of clothes at a rapid rate of knots, you have to become a financial wizard in a matter of weeks in order to stay afloat. I challenge any top company director to make a monthly family allowance cover the average monthly expenditure on a toddler.
Team building expertise
Like adults, kids don't necessarily like each other. The difference is, that - although at times we may be sorely tempted - adults don't tend to push those they like least to the floor, or pull their hair every time their paths cross. For a mother, diplomacy is a must to maintain order in any household.
The ability to communicate with people at all levels
Having babies breaks down every social barrier known to man. When you're all lumped together at playgroup or down at the park, it matters not that Tom's mum is a high-flying barrister or Abigail's dad is a nightclub bouncer. You've got plenty in common because you're parents.
The ability to cope well in a crisis
Not one of my strong points - in some respects I think I've grown less capable due to lack of sleep. But on the other hand, I've learned that the calmer you remain when sorting out a problem, the better the results. I no longer fly into a blind panic when the kids start brawling in the back seat of the car on the M62. Now, through verbal negotiation, I can prevent the chances of triggering a multiple pile-up and restore harmony.
So, forget BScs, HNDs and NVQs. If you've spent time at home with the kids, you should be amply qualified to apply for any job. There's only one area in which I may fall flat. It's that expression commonly used in job advertisements - "dynamic and go-ahead." In the past, certainly. But now? As a parent I can't imagine coming into that category ever again.
Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.
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