So we ARE on the same planet. We DO worry about the same things and get upset for the same reasons.

What a load of bunkum. New research has discovered that the notion - popularised in the best-selling book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus - that the sexes are completely different is untrue.

It is a widely-held belief that women become depressed due to relationship problems, while men get down due to difficulties at work. But academics have now cast doubt on that idea, claiming that the sexes get the blues about exactly the same things.

That may be the case - but if it is, we women are unaware of it. We only register the worries which our partners voice out loud (they may have others but, if so, they keep them well and truly under their hats). And, in my experience, and that of my friends, they are very different

Take the top five reasons why my husband and I worry and get upset:

Me:

1. Money: Making ends meet. How we're going to pay bills for this and bills for that. How we're going to manage when the interest rate rises.

2. Relationship: Why we don't get on anymore? Why can't we talk anything through calmly and sensibly (or, rather, why he can't)? Will I ever find Mr Right - is there such a thing?

3. Kids: Why bringing them up has turned into some kind of point-scoring contest - "I fed them, you should bath them,"... "I've got up with them for the past three days while you laze in bed."..."Who does their washing and ironing? So you should take them to the park. And who took time off work when they were sick?"

The fact that we've both been permanently run-down and decrepit since having them, and why don't they go to sleep before 9pm?

4. Home: I'd like to move - he doesn't want to. I hate noisy neighbours - he could sleep peacefully in the middle of a stock-car racing circuit.

5. Family/in-laws: Why I'm always falling out with mine and why I can never see eye-to-eye with his.

Him:

1. Food preparation: He foams at the mouth if I haven't applied stringent EC hygiene rules to food before we eat it. He flipped because I didn't scrub, peel and sand-blast some tomatoes before giving them to the children.

2. Cleanliness: The state of the house, particularly after I've been at home (with the children) all day, as he says "doing nothing."

3. Safety in the home: Understandably, he went crazy when I ran over the flex on the vacuum cleaner twice - exposing the wires.

4. The garden: Have his seeds sprouted yet, and if not, why not? It's usually my fault.

5. Driving: He doesn't want to, and becomes irate if I make him.

The only top concern of my husband's that I feel is vaguely important in the scheme of things (although in the world-wide scheme of things all these concerns are trivial) is household safety. I should take more care, particularly with children in the house.

Maybe he does worry about our relationship, our permanently-depleted bank accounts and our struggle to bring up the kids - but if he does he certainly doesn't make it known to me. If the subjects ever come up, he makes himself scarce.

In my opinion - which, I know, counts for absolutely nothing - the Mars/Venus theory is spot on. The sexes couldn't be more different.

And, lastly, how do academics land these cushy "research" jobs? I'd love someone to pay me huge sums to ask a bunch of men and women what upsets them. Talk about money for stating the obvious.

Converted for the new archive on 30 June 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.