They warn you about the lions and the baboons when you arrive at Knowsley Safari Park.
One lot will snatch your wing mirror if you drive into their enclosure, the other will eat you if you leave your car.
Nowhere in the guidebook are you told you might come under attack from emus.
And it was these flightless, flapping, feathered velociraptors that chose our car for lunch.
Emu assault was just one of the delights -- for me the passenger at any rate -- during our five-mile drive through Merseyside's recreation of the Serengeti.
There were lots of eye-opening moments: a pride of lions up close, rhinos on guard, mummy wallaby with little joey.
And most satisfyingly, sitting in safety watching those baboons rip mirrors, aerials and licence plates off other people's four-by fours.
There was more to see after the drive: elephants, giraffes, children's farm and the friendliest set of meerkats I've ever met.
And when it started raining, a very entertaining parrot and sea lion shows were on offer.
Open: daily until October 31, 10am, last entry 4pm.
Admission: adult £8, child £5, family (2x2) £20, under-threes free.
Contact: 0151 430 9009, www.knowsley.com.
l See vouchers (bottom right of page) for our free child entry offer at the park.
nPaul Nicholas steps into the role made famous on stage and screen by Topol as he starts in the musical Fiddler on the Roof
The star of Just Good Friends and Pirates of Penzance plays a Jewish peasant in a Russian village ruled by tradition.
He is forced to address changing times as three of his daughters each bring home suitable husbands.
The dramatic show features songs such as Matchmaker Matchmaker, If I Were a Rich Man, and Sunrise Sunset.
Fiddler on the Roof is staged at the Bradford Alhambra from Tuesday to Saturday, including Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday matinees.
Book tickets at Keighley Information Centre in the town hall, or phone 01274 432000.
n Weird science is presented by Pro-Education during the half-term holidays at Halifax children's museum Eureka!.
Youngsters will be taught tricks and illusions at weekday sessions bringing science and maths alive. Phone 01422 330069.
Risky Things Theatre Company will take children and families around the museum every Saturday during June.
The improvisation and storytelling sessions, suitable for children aged six and over, are ideal for budding actors.
nA college reunion is the setting for the latest comedy from John Godber and the Hull Truck Theatre Company.
The play Reunion explores the hilarious and gruelling sides of such events while poking fun at TV game shows.
Jack Wesley is chosen from a studio audience to revisit his college days back in 1974.
He meets again old "friends" such as a Welsh psycho, college geek and sexy girlfriend-that-never-was.
As the audience laughs and cringes at Jack's experiences, his wife stands embarrassed behind the scenes.
Reunion is at the West Yorkshire Playhouse, Leeds, from Tuesday until June 7. Book at Keighley Information Centre or phone 0113 213 7700.
nChildren's shows are performed today at Glusburn Institute as part of the Craven Festival of Puppetry.
Tall Tales and Nursery Rhymes, which aims to charm and captivate three to eight-year-olds, is at 5pm.
The Goddess, inspired by Hindu mythological themes, features shadow masks and puppets at 7pm.
Phone 01535 632261 to check ticket availability.
nTV actresses Anita Dobson and Lisa Faulkner appear with Adjoa Andoh as the hit play The Vagina Monologues comes to Leeds Grand Theatre.
The collection of original stories -- culled from interviews with 200 women -- is described as funny and poignant.
Birth, sex, orgasms and relationships are addressed from Monday to Saturday. Book at Keighley Information Centre or phone 0113 222 6222.
nGoldilocks and the Three Bears is presented panto-style, with a trip to the circus, on Thursday (1pm) at St George's Hall in Bradford.
The family show includes colourful costumes, lively characters, music, comedy and audience participation.
Book at Keighley Information Centre or telephone 01274 432000.
nA musical version of The Wind in the Willows is at the Grand Theatre, Leeds, next Friday (7pm) and Saturday (2pm & & 7pm). Phone 0113 2226 222
nGeneration Game presenter Melanie Stace is currently touring in the musicals show Hollywood and Broadway.
She and West End performer Tim Flavin appear with dancers and musicians at the Victoria Theatre, Halifax, on Sunday at 7.30pm.
Tonight the venue hosts the regular Dick & Liddy's comedy club with stand-ups Howard Read, Rob Rouse and Matt Welcome.
Book at Keighley Information Centre or phone 01422 351158.
nQaisra Shahraz, author of The Holy Woman, will sign copies of her second novel Typhoon on Wednesday at Bradford's Waterstone's shop.
The experienced radio, theatre and TV writer has set Typhoon in a Pakistani village whose inhabitants are traumatised by events of 20 years earlier.
The arrival of a stranger from the city sparks feelings of guilt, and tragedy for three young women.
nNotorious comedian Mark Thomas applies his satirical wit to Iraq and the USA in his latest show at Burnley Mechanics, on Thursday at 8pm. Book on 01282 664400.
nEducating Rita, the classic two-hander comedy by Willy Russell, is performed at the Square Chapel, Halifax, next Friday and Saturday.
Tomorrow sees The Last Train, a gritty adult drama about old lives and the merciless effects of time. Phone 01422 349422.
nComedian Ross Noble brings his Edinburgh Festival hit show Sonic Waffle to the Hebden Bridge Picture House.
The spontaneous stand-up performs next Friday (8pm). Book £12 tickets on 01422 351158.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article