NOW Elysian Elsie would not actually make the front row in the Beggarsdale XV. She's a bit too tall for a prop and her, er, appendages would not allow her to get close enough to the ground in the scrum.

But she is certainly beefy enough for a flanker, which is probably why she thought she could bully the WI debating society into submission last week when the motion was, "This house believes that dieting is bad for your (mental) health."

Else, I should explain, is fairly new to the WI scene, having recently moved into one of the bigger houses on the Elysian Fields, the now somewhat fading estate of 1960s "executive" homes half way between the village and Mar'ton.

Most of the Fielders, as they are known, go the other way and spend their leisure hours in the town. Else does the opposite, possibly because she has just opened a new fitness club there and, if rumours are anywhere near correct, it is not doing too well.

Whatever her reasons, Else joined the WI a few months ago and launched what appeared to some of the older members to be a hostile takeover bid. Built like a sergeant major, she has this parade ground habit of issuing orders, not requests. That is a lead-balloon tactic in this village even for locals, never mind offcumdens, so the fur was bound to fly when the diet debate was called.

The idea came from the controversy over the Atkins diet, written some 30 years ago from ideas that first came into fashion in the 1950s. Why this ancient dead scroll has been dug out of the sands of time was a mystery to me until Mrs C explained that it has recently been endorsed by several leading lady celebrities.

Who these celebrities are I cannot explain because I have never heard of them. I have not been asked to join the panel which awards celebrity status, and as I don't watch chat shows, read tabloid newspapers, listen to pop music, or go to the pictures to watch people dying in seas of gore, I suppose I never shall.

However, as always, other experts have come out of the woodpile to say that the experts recommending the Atkins diet are wrong. This anti-lot say that by giving up fruit, fibre and carbohydrates, people on the diet will get heart disease, asthma, diabetes and their arms and legs will drop off.

Admittedly, the latter would result in some pretty swift weight loss but the whole things runs totally contrary to all the health advice the other "experts" have been giving us this past ten years.

By staging the debate, and in particular by inserting the word "mental" in parentheses (that means brackets, kiddiewinks), the WI were in fact raising an important point: women, and particular young women, are becoming confused about what to eat and what to feed their children, sometimes to the point of neurosis.

This subtlety competely by-passed Elysian Else and we soon discovered why: part of the so-called fitness training she dishes out in her gym involves the use of the Atkins diet. What's more, she brought with her a dozen copies which she was hoping to sell to the other ladies.

Now commercial breaks do not go down well at Beggarsdale WI, so although Else was listened to politely, she did not even get a seconder when she opposed the motion.

What did for her was a barb from, of all people, Andrea, part of the Quiet Couple from Coney Cottage, who said quite pleasantly: "As a proponent of more beef and fat, she presents a very fine example."

Sadly, we feel that Else didn't see the point of that, either.

* The Curmudgeon is a satirical column based on a fictitious character in a mythical village