Now that Celebrity Big Brother has come to its rather inevitable conclusion (did anyone really not think Chantelle, the "nobody" thrown pigeon like among the more famous cats like George Galloway, was going to win? ) and until such time as Michael Barrymore makes a triumphant return to our screens with revi-talised versions of Strike It Lucky or My Kind Of People or perhaps a new show where he dresses as Hit-ler and shouts at a bemused female, then those of us who got sucked into the nightly shenanigans now have a yawning chasm in the TV schedules every evening at 9pm.

We've already had I'm a Celebrity. . .Get Me Out Of Here this TV season and there won't be a civilian Big Brother until summer (and, let's face it, they'll have a lot to live up to following the last three weeks) so to save us all from having to watch bronzed, toned bodies shipwrecked on a holiday island somewhere or the search for America's next top model, I have written to all the TV channels with a series of ideas for new reality shows.

Pet Swap - families of dog lovers have to release their beloved pet into the hands of cat people, and vice versa. The cameras follow them for one week as the cat fans try to cope with an alsatian eating its own weight in horsemeat every day and dragging them around the park, while the dog's owners learn - with hilarious results - that a moggie just won't run for a stick no matter how hard you throw it.

It's Your Funeral - terminally-ill contestants have to perform a variety of demeaning and degrading tasks to endear themselves to the viewing public, who each week vote off their least favourite until the winner is decided and gets to select the ingredients for the ultimate send-off with the funeral of their dreams.

Jailhouse Roquette - A poncy and worryingly androgynous French chef is locked inside a category A prison which houses some of the country's most notorious and violent lifers. He has one week to turn the scum of the Earth into civilised men who appreciate the finer points of haute cuisine. With permanent Shower-Cam footage throughout the night.

Snore Way Out! - A team of contestants is sedated with horse tranquilisers and lined up in beds. Viewers vote off the volunteers, who wake up alone in strange and often dangerous places, until there is only one sleeper left. They win a king-sized bed presented by the Silentnight hippo.

Housebreak - Unwitting victims go on holiday and return to find that their home has been broken into by a reformed burglar and completely redecorated by a team of celebrity designers. But can they spot the valued item that the burglar has pocketed from their house? If they don't, he gets to keep it.

The Great Fatso Asbo Gatso Challenge - Morbidly obese people have to lose enough weight and become so fit that they can run between two speed cameras at Olympic level speeds. If they don't they are given an anti-social behaviour order and must spend a year wearing a sack and ringing a bell.

Well, that's all I've sent in so far, but trust me, I've got bags of ideas like this and it's only a matter of time before the good people in TV-Land take one of them up. Better decide which is your favourite now and lobby the broadcasters to bring it to a screen near you.

Remember, it's that or Barrymore.