For the last few weeks we have been house-hunting with our second daughter and her husband.
This is a thrill for Mrs M and I, not only because we get the chance to be nosey, but we can do so safe in the knowledge that we don’t have to move house.
The thought of flitting, however, didn’t dampen the enthusiasm of our two youthful companions as we trekked from street to street with only a satnav to guide us.
Once you find the property, it is important that you know that house-hunting is a distinct skill with its own unwritten etiquette.
On arrival, my wife feels the need to ask whether the seller wants us to remove our shoes before we begin. She hadn’t thought to check with me first to ensure that I was wearing what she later termed ‘house-hunting socks’.
When shoe removal was required, I realised that I had also worn the wrong type of footwear. My boots meant that the rest of he party had to wait in embarrassment as I struggled to put them back on, knelt down in a stranger’s doorway.
I have my own routine for this exercise at home, one that masks the fact that I cannot kneel very well because of my dodgy back, and my ample-sized stomach obscures the laces of my boots.
During the tour, if the house has appeal, then the atmosphere warms and the conversation flows, and even includes the occasional sprinkling of humour.
If, however, the house is not one that you would buy (this is often obvious as you step foot in the property) you still feel under obligation to go through the motions.
So your visit is accompanied by a series of oohs and ahhs aimed at feigning interest. This conversational dance also includes the occasional complimentary comment about the size of a room. ‘This is a good-sized bedroom,’ my wife would say. ‘Yes, it is big enough to fit a bed in’, I would reply, with more than a hint of sarcasm.
There were one or two houses where it was difficult to find anything positive to say, and so we had long periods of uncomfortable silence. We Brits are not good at social silence.
One property offered us a wonderful moment when the seller, after lowering some ladders, invited my son-in-law to view his loft space. As he reached the top, he was informed that there was no lighting. He then proceeded to make complimentary noises about a dark space.
So, if you are looking to buy a new home, remember to take a torch, wear your house-hunting socks and shoes, and learn the house-hunting etiquette.
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