I went to the 02 Wireless Festival at the weekend, ostensibly to watch Kaiser Chiefs but mainly to sit around in the VIP tent drinking Tuborg lager.

Celebrities seen in the VIP tent included: Chris Moyles, Edith Bowman, a couple of aforementioned Kaiser Chiefs, a bloke who looked like a cross between Eddie Izzard and Keifer Sutherland (so, as such, wasn't exactly a celebrity... or perhaps he was two for the price of one) and various members of the Emmerdale cast, including that Australian one that used to be in Home and Away; Cain Dingle's daughter; two of those King brothers; and Annie Sugden. Or maybe that last one was a Tuborg hallucination.

I say celebrities "in the VIP tent" but largely they were in the VIP tent on their way to the VVIP tent, to which you could only get access if you were a proper celebrity such as those listed above or, according to the many security people whom I engaged in the subject, "a guest of Tuborg".

Quite how one becomes the guest of the manufacturers of lager that no-one has really ever heard of I don't know. Still, if I make it to the event next year or there are any other festivals to which Tuborg are the main supplier of cans of 4.6 per cent lager at three quid a can, I would like to say here and now that I thoroughly enjoyed their beverage and can honestly say that I did not touch any other brand of lager on Saturday night.

Largely because there was none on offer.

There was lots of Tuborg lager outside the VIP tent, too, much of it flying through the sky as part of that wonderfully amusing festival game "lets throw cups/bottles of lager at the crowd". Some of it had even been through the bodily systems of those who were doing the chucking.

It's this sort of lairy behaviour from anti-social tossers that led Kaiser Chiefs to write "I Predict A Riot". I wonder if they know that those scary people they sing about now actually form the biggest part of their fanbase?