No, I didn’t cry over the new John Lewis Christmas advert

I wouldn’t actually know. So many shops, so many Christmas adverts, so many festive scenes, so much schmaltzy music. At this time of year we are inundated with them. Which is which, who knows?

If Christmas adverts are designed to make us rush out to said store and buy stuff, they don’t work on me.

In fact, they’re so annoying it’s enough to make me want to do all my shopping online…but wait, Amazon has a Christmas advert too. I’m sure I’ve seen the logo, only which advert is it - the one with the precocious child in an attic, the old man singing on stage or the snow globe with magic powers? They all blend into one, and they certainly do not steer me or, I imagine, anyone else, in any particular direction.

The worst of these adverts has got to be the offering from (I do know this one) M&S. Dawn French getting help from her lookalike fairy to organise a party in a posh town house. It leaves me cold.

Why does everyone get so excited about these annual commercials? Created at huge expense, they have become part of our festive culture, with the adverts themselves making the news. Online communities discuss their merits and flaws. You’d think people would have better things to talk about.

I mean, who cares what the new Coca-Cola Christmas advert is about? Personally I don’t associate the drink with Christmas at all, so why they always throw an ad into the mix, I don’t know. But people are up in arms about it, due to it being made entirely from AI and the fact that Father Christmas does not feature.

Many Christmas adverts have a schmaltzy feel. Picture: Pixabay

All these ads do is remind me of the impending two-days of madness which we need to prepare for by spending vast sums of money on food and gifts.

I mean look at those commercials which pan across the family table, showing sweeping vistas of Christmas fare - sumptuous feasts worthy of Henry Vlll. The food is arranged so not an inch of table is spared. The diners must sit in the garden.

Does anyone really have tables like that?

It all looks so glossy and shiny. Of course we all know it’s probably not even hot. A few years ago I had to stage a mock-up of a Christmas dinner at a house in Bradford. I was told how to get it all camera-ready, including varnishing the turkey with tea to give it a golden brown look. We coated everything with olive oil to make it shine. I even used a green marker pen on the anaemic-looking sprouts.

Our efforts passed muster in the local paper. Maybe if the internet had been around they would have been appreciated by a wider audience – this year an amateur Christmas advert made for charity by Keighley singer-songwriter Sam Clegg, with a budget of £500, has been hailed by many as the best commercial.

Known as the Robin advert, the sentimental homemade clip has created a frenzy on social media and been viewed more than one million times on YouTube. Some fans even thought the John-Lewis-inspired ad was the real commercial for the retailer ahead of the official commercial’s release.

Will this be a lesson to the big guns that you don’t need to fork out thousands for a couple of minutes of guff? I doubt it. They will come up with the same thing next year and the year after.

In the time it has taken to write this column, I did catch the John Lewis ad - it IS the one with the rude child in the attic. No, it didn’t make me cry, quite the opposite. One of the sisters comes across as a spoiled brat. If I were her sibling I’d have to force myself to got to B&M for her present, never mind a posh department store.