Dad Scott Deighton writes book on struggle to start a family

It wasn’t just about the excitement of starting a family; it was also about confronting the harsh reality of male infertility.

I once believed I had my life meticulously planned -marriage at a certain age, a predetermined number of children, the ideal home - but life, as they say, had other plans.

As we delved into the world of fertility treatments, I quickly realised how little information and support there was for men like me. It felt like we were stumbling through the dark, with no one to guide us. That’s when I decided to write My Boys Can’t Swim.

Scott with his book My Boys Can't Swim

Maya with her mum

This book isn’t just about our struggles; it’s about breaking the silence surrounding male infertility. I wanted to share our story from a guy’s perspective, to let others know they’re not alone in this battle.

The book is what I call the 'arm around the shoulder.' It can be tough to open up to family and friends during chats; at least for my wife and I, it was, especially when people start becoming pregnant around you. Of course you’re thrilled for them, but the last thing I wanted to do was to have the topic shift to me and become more about 'by the way, we can’t have kids' than it was about them, so you prefer to keep the issues to yourself.

My Boys Can’t Swim isn’t a pity party; it’s a beacon of hope. I wanted to empower couples going through the same ordeal by offering practical advice and shedding light on the emotional rollercoaster of infertility.

One of the biggest reasons I wrote this book was to challenge the stereotypes surrounding male infertility. Society often puts the blame on women, leaving men feeling sidelined and emasculated. But through My Boys Can’t Swim I aimed to smash those stereotypes and show that infertility affects both partners equally. One in three males are now suffering from infertility, with one in seven heterosexual couples also having to now make difficult life changing and financial choices.

In the book, I lay it all out - the highs, the lows, and everything in between. From the awkward doctor’s appointments to the heartbreaking setbacks, I wanted readers to feel like they were right there with us, navigating the twists and turns of our fertility journey.

Maya at the seaside

Maya at her pre-school graduation

In addition, I wanted to use this chance to advocate for those who are younger in age and realistically starting out on their adult journey. Many choose to have children later in life, delaying for things such as university and professional employment. As a result, individuals frequently forget about the biological clock in humans and the point at which it starts to slow down. Everyone goes through school being told to practise safer sex and how to prevent a child; who is advising what you might need to consider in the future should you want to have one?

But it’s not all doom and gloom. My Boys Can’t Swim is also a celebration of love and resilience. Despite the setbacks, my wife and I never gave up on our dream of becoming parents. And - spoiler alert - we eventually succeeded. In addition, I wanted people to find amusement in my account of the journey and some of the awkward situations that people might encounter. Highlighting things that have happened throughout my young adult life that I may have changed should I have known what the future held for me.

A tender moment between Scott and his daughter

Scott's book

Through our story, I hope to inspire others to keep fighting, even when the odds seem stacked against them. Infertility can feel like an uphill battle, but with the right support and mindset, anything is possible. You never say never.

For me, writing My Boys Can’t Swim was an incredibly personal experience. It made me face my own reservations and flaws in a way I had never done before. In the end, though, it was empowering. By telling our story to the world, I was able to express myself out there and maybe make others who were, are, or will go through similar experiences, feel less alone.

At its core, My Boys Can’t Swim is a story of hope. It’s a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there’s always a glimmer of light if we’re willing to look for it.

I didn’t just write this to be a book about infertility - it’s a testament to the power of resilience and love. It’s a rallying cry for anyone going through a tough time, reminding them that they’re stronger than they think. And most importantly, it’s a beacon of hope for anyone who’s ever felt like they are going through this alone.

Since day one of writing this book, I’ve maintained that if it can assist even one person or family on their journey, then it has achieved its purpose, and my goal is fulfilled. I don’t want anyone else feeling the way I did when we received the news in the fertility clinic.

*My Boys Can't Swim by Scott Deighton is widely available from booksellers.

@myboyscantswim

also visit myboyscantswim.com