LIFE can feel like a whirlwind for any of us, sometimes. Events unfold, bills pile up, and unexpected situations throw us off course. It can soon become easy to feel overwhelmed and powerless.
A good way to navigate these situations lies in understanding what we can, and importantly, cannot control.
This week’s column is all about taking control - not of everything, because that’s simply not possible, but of the things that truly matter. It’s a process I often use in therapy, to help people put things in perspective, and to feel more in control.
Imagine a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being minimal control and 10 being complete control. Let’s explore some areas of our lives and see where they land on this scale.
Your Reactions: We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to those things. That unexpected traffic jam? (Control: 1). Your response to it? (Control: 8). Choosing to stay calm and focused on alternative routes, rather than letting frustration take over, puts you back in the driver’s seat.
Your Habits: This one falls more towards the controllable side (Control: 7). We can’t eliminate cravings or banish laziness entirely, but we can create routines and healthy habits that nudge us in the right direction. Planning nutritious meals and scheduling exercise time are powerful tools.
Your Thoughts: Our thought patterns hold immense power (Control: 6). While negative thoughts can intrude, we can choose to challenge them and cultivate positive self-talk. Mindfulness practices like meditation can help us become aware of these patterns and choose more empowering thoughts.
External Circumstances: Here’s where we have the least control (Control: 2). The weather, the economy, other people’s actions - these are largely out of our hands. However, we can choose how much mental and emotional space we give them. Accepting what we can’t change frees us to focus on the areas where we can make a difference.
So, how do we stop the things which are outside of our control from dragging us down?
The first step is acknowledging the limitations of our control. If something scores low, accept that you cannot change it. Trying to force change where it’s impossible is a recipe for frustration. Acceptance is what is allows us to move forward with a clear head.
Taking control doesn’t mean achieving monumental feats. It’s about the small, daily victories. Did you go for a walk even though the weather wasn’t ideal? Did you choose a healthy snack over the sugary temptation? These seemingly minor, but better choices accumulate, building a sense of accomplishment and empowerment.
Whilst I am on the subject of writing things down. Here’s another little therapy technique for you to try. Before you go to bed tonight, think back through the day, and try to remember anything that has been good, something that you were not expecting. For example, did someone pay you a compliment out of the blue? Perhaps someone flashed to allow you to turn right, when you weren’t expecting them to. Or perhaps you received a phone call or text message from someone you haven’t heard from in ages.
If any of these things, or something similar happened, you will have generated a little hit of ‘feel-good’ at the time. These are little chemical reactions that we generate automatically when experience something pleasant.
It can be really helpful to us, when we look back through our day, and try to recall them. If we really make an effort, we can actually regenerate those same feelings again. If we write down these things, just before we go to sleep, it helps settle our minds ready for a night of restful sleep. This is different from what is known as journalling, as we are only looking for things that specifically made us feel good. Try it, let me know how you go on.
Next week is Mental Health Awareness Week, and the topic for this year is ‘Moving More For Our Mental Health’. So that’s what I will be talking about.
Please remember this is your column, if you would like me to cover any particular topic in relation to mental health and well-being, or you run any type of mental health support group or activity in the Bradford area, then please drop me a line at the email address below.
Anyone can struggle with their mental well-being from time to time. However, if you feel you are in danger of harming yourself or others then please contact your GP, go to A&E, call the Samaritans on 116 123 or text SHOUT to 85258
* Martin Furber is a therapist qualified in various modalities and an Instructor Member of Mental Health First Aid England wellbeing@martinfurber.com
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