Ahead of World Book Day, comedy channel Dave has conducted a study to identify the literary classics that send the nation to sleep.
With the help of Professor Sam Haddow from St Andrews University, they surveyed 2,000 British adults, discovering not only does War and Peace top the list of ‘boring blockbuster books’ but that we are a nation full of literary liars.
According to the research, 46% of British adults have lied about reading books in a bid to impress.
It also revealed that 71% of adults admitted to being impressed by people well-read in ‘the classics’, which might explain why so many lie about having read them.
The top 10 classic books we fail to finish
According to the Dave data, these are the 10 classic novels people fail to finish most often, including a precis from Professor Haddow – warning spoiler alerts:
1. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
Napoleon took six months to lose his war with Russia. Tolstoy took six years to write about it. That probably tells you everything you need to know.
2. Hamlet, Shakespeare
The world’s most self-loathing man spends a lot of time talking about himself, to himself. Also, Denmark collapses
3. Moby Dick, Herman Melville
An overlong list of whale facts, and after 137 chapters, an altercation between a man and a whale. The man loses.
4. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
A man becomes obsessed with vengeance when his soul mate literally ghosts him.
5. Animal Farm, George Orwell
A lot of pigs who are not really pigs, but are actually pigs, convince other farm animals to work on a farm. And communism.
6. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
A 750-page book about a legal dispute lasting 117 years
7. Les Misérables, Victor Hugo
Over a quarter of this 3,000-page novel is made up of moral philosophy arguments. No, really. It got better when they condensed it to three hours and added songs.
8. Hunchback of Notre-Dame, Victor Hugo
A terrible man does awful things which the novel ignores and focuses on the buildings
9. The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
An American learns that capitalism is bad, whilst drinking martinis in a mansion. Leonardo Di Caprio does NOT feature.
10. Ulysses, James Joyce
A man walks through Dublin towards his wife, who is at home having an affair. Meanwhile, everybody in Ireland says everything that has ever been said. Loudly.
The Dave witty revamps of classic novels
During the research, Dave found 67% of those who took part in the study said they would be more likely to complete the classics if only they made them laugh.
Thus, Dave commissioned a crack team of comedy writers, including Nikesh Shukla, Mollie Goodfellow, Steven Vinacour, Ivo Graham and Flo Perry, to bring some levity and add ‘a bit of Dave’ to six of the impenetrable classics named on the list.
Cherie Cunningham, Dave channel director said: “For World Book Day this year, we wanted to not only celebrate these literary works of art but add a comedic twist in a bid to inspire new readers, or those of us who have tried and failed, to go back and give them another go.”
The six titles given a revamp:
Wuthering Heights
The new version sees Heathcliff sent to counselling for anger management and toxic masculinity
Moby Dick
The classic loses 132 chapters (yet none of the story) and ends with a sole survivor clinging to a makeshift cheeseboard.
Animal Farm
Featuring Boris the Boar and Starmer the Horse, oh and a farmyard campaign to get ‘Hexit Done’.
The Great Gatsby
Sees Gatsby as a self-described ‘Fin-influencer’ – posting insane self-congratulatory and overembellished posts across his social media.
Hamlet
Where the would-be King considers jacking it all in for an easier life abroad including the ‘To be or not be to’ scene rewritten with striking parallels to Harry & Meghan.
Bleak House
Embracing the chaos of this mindboggling book by drawing parrels with dreaded conference calls and the iconic Handforth Parish Council meeting.
The rewrites come complete with a new illustrative cover which speaks to the revamped plot, characters and storylines from leading illustrator Bob Venables.
In a hilarious video, Rachel Parris, stand-up comedian and star of Late Night Mash, runs through key passages from the revamped books.
Professor Sam Haddow, of the School of English at St. Andrew’s University, said: “It has been a delight to work with Dave’s writers to take a silly-stick to the stuffiness surrounding some of our most revered works of literature.
"I hope that readers get as many laughs out of these re-drafted stories as I have – and, perhaps, that they’re inspired to go back to the originals with fresher, less-jaded eyes.”
The comedic takes on the classic literature are now available to download via the Dave website.
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