It's the season for clearing out the deadwood and looking ahead to the coming year with a fresh start, which means that the papers have been full of pages and pages of horoscope predictions for 2008.

I don't generally take much notice of astrology, largely because I've never had it satisfactorily explained to me how huge burning balls of gas several billion miles out in space can have any direct influence on my life.

But because I'm a Capricorn, and had my birthday last Friday, this is the time of year when I do, out of interest, check out what might be in store for me.

According to most of the predictions, I am going to have an absolutely wonderful year, which is apparently due to Jupiter being in my birth-sign all year. So, well worth checking out the horoscopes, then.

I learned some amazing stuff from the weekend newspapers, for example that Capricorn isn't just represented by a goat, but a goat with a fish's tail. I can't remember what this is meant to mean, exactly, but it did seem to be a generally good thing.

I also learned that Capricorns are especially concerned with knees. Again, this is something of a mystery, and I don't think it means anything to do with a sexual fetish. Perhaps there's something in that, as well, because as I write this I'm suffering from an attack of the bug that's been going around which made me wake up and feel as though I'd run a mile in my sleep, my joints were so achy.

And perhaps I had, because the bug brought with it some startlingly daft fever dreams, one of which I remember clearly as being about trying to get an interview with Kimberley Walsh from Girls Aloud but her dad insisting I, along with several other representatives of the press, had to climb a huge mountain to get to her. Must all mean something, but God knows what. Probably to do with insurmountable objects, tied in with Edmund Hillary's death.

Some of the horoscopes offer tantalising glimpses of great things - one said that all my "dreams turn into reality at work and home", which can only mean that I get to work half as hard for twice the money.

Another warned that I might find love on a visit to the hairdressers, in a fitness class or during a "first look at a newly built apartment". The last two are highly unlikely, and as I enjoy something of a boom-and-bust relationship with my hair, in which I get it cut short then it grows over the next couple of months to resemble the 'do of Hair Bear from the Hair Bear Bunch, I don't think Mrs B has much to worry about.

Some predictions are even more prosaic. Mystic Meg, quite disappointingly, said on Sunday that "an eating style that includes wholegrains, a variety of beans and deep green vegetables is the star plan for Capricorn". Not exactly winning the lottery, is it?

Green is obviously a theme for me, as Meg also suggested that working where I can see some greenery (does the mold on the wall of the T&A offices count?) will draw prosperity into my world, as will - bafflingly - "dark green files and carrying green bags".

So, all in all, I have no better clue how 2008 will go thanks to my horoscopes than I would have if I just muddled along like I usually do. So I'll probably just leave it to chance... however, I might bob out to the sales to see if I can secure a green bag. You know, just in case.