Q Dear Kate, I think my husband is working too hard! He works really long hours anyway, but because of changing in staffing at his office he's had to put extra hours in at weekends now too. Every time I try to talk to him about it he snaps my head off. He's going to make himself (and me) ill if he carries on the way he's going. I just wish I could make him see it without it turning into another row.

A Your husband's situation seems to becoming increasingly common; and it sounds like you're trying to be supportive of him, while trying to make sure he's okay. The work-life balance seems to be getting harder and harder for many of us to realistically achieve. Your husband-life balance must feel pretty unachievable too at the moment. Please don't put more pressure on your husband at home, because then he'll have no respite from his mounting stress. You work out how to get him a break from work. Are you in a position to plan a holiday? Why not suggest it to him? Once you get away, and get some distance between him and the job he's sure to see how the pressure has been affecting him. And you'll be in a much better position to help him work out what he's going to do about it and realise that you're actually on his side.

Q Dear Kate, my daughter is desperate for a kitten for Christmas. I really don't want her to have one yet as she's still quite young to understand the responsibility. I have a problem with giving pets for presents, but I don't want to be the one to ruin her Christmas. She still believes in Santa and I know if I don't get her one her dad will. What should I do for the best?

A I think that if this is something you feel so strongly about then you should stick to your guns. How feasible is it for you to discuss it with your daughter's father? You don't know for certain that he would undermine you; you could tell him that if he gets her a kitten it has to live at his home and you're not going to take responsibility for it when he wants to go away. But this doesn't have to lead to conflict. There has to be some creative way around this. Talk to your daughter about why Santa might think it's not a good idea. Suggest you could maybe get a kitten that needs rescuing at a time when she can devote herself to it better, because your letter doesn't rule out the idea of her having a pet, does it? There are so many cat and kitten toys on the market at the moment, some of which are almost life-like. Maybe Santa would think it's a good idea for her to practice with one of those first?

  • If you have a problem you would like Kate to help you with write to her care of Features Department, Telegraph & Argus, Hall Ings, Bradford, BD1 1JR or e-mail her at emma.clayton@bradford.newsquest.co.uk