QDear Kate, my ex-husband's up-coming 40th birthday party falls on the days I am due to have our children. He wants them to be at his party, and has asked me to go too.

When we split up it was because he had an affair - I expect she will also be at the party as they are still together. I've tried to move on and put it all behind me for the children's sake, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to cope with these circumstances. Please help me decide what to do.

AIf only all my letters were as easy to answer as this one - DON'T GO! You have no need to please this man any longer. He lost any right to share any part of your life when he started his affair. By all means remain polite and reasonable by supporting the children with going to his party, but I suggest you alter the days you have the children that week so they are with him anyway. I know I can be quite cynical at times but it wouldn't surprise me if he wants you there to keep an eye on them while he lets his hair down. Just a thought.

I'm sure you've got better things to do with your time than spend it with your ex and his girlfriend. Don't beat yourself up; he's being unrealistic and insensitive. I hope you find the strength to tell him that because you are worth so much more.