Q We've lived in the same house for nearly 25 years and have been very happy here, but now because of new neighbours things are getting intolerable. They are a nice enough couple who seem to be hard-working. They have two dogs, spaniels I think, which they leave at home all day. As soon as they have left for work the dogs start howling or barking and this goes on for most of the day. I don't want to be a difficult' neighbour, but we can't stand much more of this!
A I really do feel for you. I found myself in the same situation several years ago, and got myself into a real state worrying about upsetting people. What you have to realise is that your feelings are as important as anyone else's, and you have a right to feel safe and happy in your own home. When this happened to me I worked out carefully what I wanted to say to the neighbour before I went round. It's important you don't go round feeling angry or upset as this will only end in confrontation. I asked whether the dogs were poorly, as I had been concerned they had been sounding upset through the day. I made it very clear this was disturbing me and my family to a great degree. My neighbour was horrified; she had no idea the dogs were getting distressed as they were always quiet when she was at home. Once she was aware there was a problem she tried her best to resolve it - longer walks for the dogs, calling in through the day, and confining them to one area of her house. It wasn't perfect after that but I would say it was 90 per cent better, and tolerable at least. If this tactic doesn't work for you, then it's time to get tough and get in touch with the environmental department of your local council. Start keeping a diary of disturbances as evidence, and the council should support you by looking into it and mediating between you and your neighbour. Good Luck!
Q I think my mum and dad are keeping something from me. At first I thought they were getting divorced because the atmosphere in the house has been horrible and I know my mum is crying a lot. I don't think it is that now though. I heard mum on the phone talking to my auntie and I think she's really ill. I am worried about her, and dad, and want to help. What can I do?
A What a horrible situation to find yourself in. It's awful when you have been kept in the dark about something and try to fill in the gaps yourself. Imagination can be a terrible thing, and I'm sure yours must be running away with you at the moment. Realistically your mum is very upset. I think it would be impossible for you to make her any more upset than she already is, so why don't you take your courage in both hands and ask her directly what is going on? Explain your anxiety and that you need to know so you can deal with whatever is wrong yourself. If you don't think you can do this you could write her a letter; letters can be a really great way to say how you are feeling, and you have time to think about how to say things rather than acting in the heat of the moment. Is there a family member you can talk to? What about you auntie? She may not tell you what is wrong without speaking to your mum first, but at least someone will be able to listen to you and help put some of your fears to rest. Don't let this drag on though. Act now before your imagination makes it impossible for you to deal with this awful situation.
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