Q I had an affair with a married woman just over a year ago. It ended when I met my current girlfriend eight months ago, who I love very much. We are planning our future and everything was going well until I bumped into the married woman, by chance, last week. She sent me a text afterwards and now I can't get her out of my mind. I don't want to betray my girlfriend but would love to see this woman again, one last time. What should I do?
A Do you really need to ask? You already know there's no future in this old relationship - if there was then she wouldn't still be married to someone else, and messing about with your emotions by texting you after all this time. You had not given her a second thought until you bumped into her, and it's highly likely that the same goes for her thoughts about you! What about the risk you would be taking? Think about what you stand to lose. You are planning a future with a woman you tell me you love very much; if you are unfaithful with your ex you will have that on your conscience while you are building the foundations of your new relationship. And would it really be just the once? It certainly wouldn't bode well for your future. At the end of the day the decision is yours, but be careful. You need to weigh up what you actually have to gain against what you have to lose.
Q I feel torn between my husband and my son. My husband has very traditional views on life and can be quite narrow-minded at times. My son is very sensitive, and not the tough guy' his dad wants him to be. He's 16 now, and I'm guessing he's exploring his sexuality. My biggest worry is that he's gay, because I know his dad just wouldn't cope with that.
A You know your husband, and you know your son, but don't you think you may be worrying about this unnecessarily? There are many reasons why parents might feel let down by their children, and this is usually because we have such dreams for them when they are small. We want them to have the chances and experiences that we never had. We want their lives to be fulfilling. Most of all we want them to be happy, but sometimes our wish for the other things for them makes us forget that fundamental aspect of life. You need to ask yourself whether your boy is happy. If he's struggling then it's up to you to make sure he's got the chance to talk about anything that's bothering him - whether that's talking to you or someone else. Your worries about his sexuality may be completely unfounded and based in the fears you have about you husband's bigotry. The reality is though that our children will walk their own path through life. We can offer them directions based on our own experience, but which route they take is up to them. What your husband chooses to do is up to him, just don't let him damage your relationship with your son.
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