CHRISTMAS is typically one of the most stressful times of the year.

The expense of buying gifts, the pressure of last-minute shopping and the heightened expectations of family togetherness can all combine to undermine our best intentions. This can put a severe strain on people, as they strive to make the occasion live up to ideals that may not be achievable.

“It is idealised,” says Gill Crofts, manager and counsellor at Relate Bradford, part of the leading relationship charity. “Christmas can be a great chance to spend time with loved ones, but it can also be really stressful. High expectations, money worries and family tensions can put a real strain on celebrations. It can seem impossible to please everyone and sometimes the family home can feel like a simmering pot just waiting to boil over.”

Conflicts can come to a head, and rows can escalate, with alcohol playing a part.

Argument-free family time is the most important wish for most people in the North of England, reveals a survey commissioned by Relate. More than 90 per cent of people questioned said that spending time with immediate family was important to them for a happy Christmas, while 84 per cent rated avoiding family arguments as important.

“Simple techniques like thinking about what you want to say before voicing any concerns can really help to cool things down,” says Gill. “And some frustrations or arguments can be headed off before they ever happen by making sure that everyone gets a chance to air hopes and worries before the season gets into full swing.”

The most commonly reported worry in the study of more than 400 people was the cost, with 42 per centre troubled by the pressure to over-spend.

“People aspire to certain things and sometimes end up buying things they can’t afford, particularly if children are wanting certain items,” adds Gill. “You need to find the right balance.”

Advertisements showing perfect family Christmases around the tree, with children opening mounds of gifts, then eating around a table heaving with food, can add to expectations.

For children, Gill adds, a good atmosphere, time and attention are important. Trying to compromise is vital, she says, especially if you want different things.

Relationships are under increasing pressure - breakdown costs the UK an estimated £46 billion every year. Relate provides impartial and non-judgement counselling and therapy for people in relationships, from families to children and gay couples. Its services also include psycho-sexual therapy, counselling for carers, and couple therapy for depression. In a partnership with Prostate Cancer UK, it also offers specialist counselling on how prostate cancer affects relationships.

More than one million people every year access information, support and counselling from Relate - which has around 1,700 counsellors across the country - but it is clear that many more would benefit from its services.

Every year Relate in Bradford experiences a rise in the number of calls following the Christmas break, with the other peak coming after the stresses of the summer holidays.

“It is okay to say ‘no’ at Christmas”, says Gill, “If someone’s wishes can’t be accommodated, explain why and see if it is possible to do something at a later date.”

For those spending Christmas alone for the first time, whether as a result of a partner’s death or for another reason, the period can be upsetting and difficult. Relate offers suggestions to try and alleviate suffering, including starting new traditions for yourself, as though beginning a new chapter in your life.

Grandparents may experience a different set of issues, having possibly lost access to their grandchildren after a family separation or divorce. “This can cause considerable heartache,” says Gill.

The charity also stresses not to be afraid to ask for someone’s company in the run-up to Christmas, and to make your feelings about the break and how it impacts upon you clear to family and friends.

Says Gill: “Christmas can be a tough time of year for many people, but try and remember it is just one day. If you are not feeling festive don’t force yourself - give yourself time and space to get use to things.”

For those in abusive relationships, Christmas can bring additional stress. “Some people live in fear anyway and there may be additional pressures at this time of year,” says Gill.

*Relate recently relocated to offices in Edward Street, Bradford. The branch is on the lookout for good quality office furniture, desks, chairs and filing cabinets.

Anyone who can help or wishes to donate is asked to contact Gill Crofts or Gill Midgley on (01274) 726096 or email gill.crofts@relatebradford.com or visit relatebradford.org.uk.

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