So now we know. It's official. We're doomed! If terrorists or bird flu or the Third World War don't get us, global warming will.

The apocalyptic report on the prospects for the planet if carbon emissions aren't cut made alarming reading (or, rather, newspaper reports of it did, for I confess to having not read through its 579 pages).

We must assume that top Treasury economist Sir Nicholas Stern isn't merely scaremongering when he forecasts terrible things for the planet if we don't ALL start to mend our ways immediately and pollute a great deal less than we have been doing.

Trouble is, you can't say the same about the politicians who appear to be relishing this almighty scare for their own reasons: the Lib-Dems and Greens to flaunt their already-green credentials and say "Didn't we tell you so?"; Conservative leader David Cameron to demonstrate how environmentally-aware he has lately become; Tony Blair becausewell, it takes the public eye off Iraq and gives him a chance to pose as a champion of the planet; and Gordon Brown because he sees it as a terrific excuse to slap new taxes on all manner of things.

Whether all this knee-jerk enthusiasm will lead quickly to positive action to reduce our carbon emissions - by, say, spending a large chunk of the revenue on a vastly-improved public-transport system, or on encouraging industry and householders to switch to cleaner sources of energy such as wind turbines and solar panels - or will simply be an excuse for the Exchequer to net in much more money without having to tax the ever-fatter fat cats properly, only time will tell - and according to Sir Nicholas, we don't have much of that!

We're doing our bit at Priestley Towers: no lights left on in empty rooms; heating on for less time and at a low temperature; more journeys made by bus or train rather than car; saving the washing-up for a big bowl full rather than doing a few pots at a timeIn the many and various small ways that individuals can, we're trying.

And if, on top of that, we have to curb our far-from-lavish spending to pay some extra taxes to help the Government introduce ways in which the community as a whole can save energy, well that's the way it has to be if we're to save the planet for future generations.

So why the nagging doubts, over and above an instinctive mistrust of the politicians who seek to make their own political capital out of every predicated catastrophe?

I just wonder how we're going to feel in, say, a decade's time when we've all done our best in Britain, paid our taxes, lowered our lifestyle expectations, rediscovered self-denial, returned to a form of austerity not seen in this country for many decades, and yet discover that thanks to the unreformed ways of infinitely greater polluters than Britain - particularly China, India, much of what used to be Eastern Europe, and our chums in the US - we're continuing to accelerate down Sir Nicholas's road to Hell?

This is one issue over which all the nations on this planet must pull together. If they aren't likely to, we might as well strike up and band and dance as the Titanic goes down!

Using his Loaf!

A refreshing slant on showbusiness life came from an unexpected quarter the other day.

Powerhouse singer Meat Loaf was being interviewed on TV by Ilkley-born son of the soil Alan Titchmarsh, standing in for Paul O'Grady, and was asked if British audiences were good audiences.

The reply was to the effect that it wasn't the job of audiences to be good. It was his job to be good, and to work hard to make sure the audience enjoyed the show.

How nice to come across an entertainer with the humility to understand the proper relationship between performers and the punters who pay their wages.

A recipe for strife

It's good that the House of Lords threw out the attempt by former Conservative education secretary Lord Baker to push through plans to force faith schools to accept at least a quarter of pupils from outside their faith. Alan Johnson, Secretary of State for Education, had quickly realised it was a non-starter and dropped it a week after it was announced. The obvious flaw in the plan is that if faith schools were forced to keep a quarter of their places free for those of other faiths or none, who would willingly take up those places? Would Catholics families happily send their children to a Muslim school? Would Muslim families queue up for places at a Church of England school where Christianity was on the syllabus? Would agnostic or atheist families want to send their children to any school that placed a heavy emphasis on religious belief and education?

You would end up with quotas, coercion and bussing - the perfect ingredients for strife.

By far the best way forward would be for all faith schools to be abolished. State education should be secular, with religion kept out of it other than for the study of comparative faiths to help to promote understanding about why people of different backgrounds have different beliefs (or, indeed, no beliefs at all).

If there must be religious indoctrination, let it be in the churches, mosques, chapels and Sunday schools outside school hours.

Hues to remember

Driving down Bolton Road into town the other morning, I saw the end (or maybe the beginning) of a rainbow across the valley. It was a double rainbow, its bold colours being echoed more faintly alongside. It was a short rainbow too, disappearing into low clouds through which the sun was peeping.

What made this stubby rainbow special, though, wasn't its modest height. It was that it seemed to spring from the heart of Lister's Mill, which it bathed in a multi-coloured glow amid the surrounding greyness.

As I continued my journey the rainbow moved on from the mill. The magical moment was lost. But it will stay in my memory for a long, long time.

Little treats like that can really make the day for us simple souls.