Taped to a filing cabinet in the reference library at Haworth’s Bronte Parsonage is a faded newspaper cutting: ‘In Austen, sex is just a kiss on the hand. In the Brontes, everything happens.’ While Jane Austen’s men prance around ballrooms, cautiously courting giggling girls with ringlets, the Bronte heroes brood in dark corners, seething with rage and passion. When it comes to men, falling into the Austen or Bronte camp probably comes down to whether you’d prefer a pompous, emotionally-repressed army captain over a passionate Byronic soul riding with wild abandon across the Yorkshire moors. I’d rather endure the black moods, cruel humour and dark secrets of Edward Rochester, brooding hero of Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre, than the sanctimonious sarcasm and infuriating pride of Fitzwilliam Darcy in Austen’s Pride And Prejudice. So I welcomed the news, reported by the T&A, that Mr Rochester has beaten Mr Darcy to the top of a Mills & Boon poll of romantic literary characters.

Maybe it reflects the age-old North-South divide; Rochester versus Darcy is a bit like the Beatles vs the Stones, Oasis vs Blur, Corrie against EastEnders. But for me, it’s less about geography and more about sex appeal.

Mr Darcy is a smart Alec who lacks the enigmatic appeal of Rochester.

I’ve never warmed to Jane Austen; finding her characters – with the exception of Elizabeth Bennet – tedious and irritating. Austen’s women sit around drinking tea, wittering on about going to balls. They were the WAGS of their day, the kind of women Jane Eyre observed with scorn from a quiet corner of one of Rochester’s parties. My mum was a fan of Austen’s books – so much so that she named me after one – and encouraged me to give them a go, giving the impression that they were witty. When I struggled to plough through Emma as an A-level text, I found it anything but witty, and was mortified at being named after awful, meddling Emma Woodhouse.

It could have been worse. If my mum had been a Thomas Hardy fan, I could’ve ended up as Bathsheba or Thomasin.

Austen’s heroes are as dull as her heroines because she based them on people she knew from the limited social circles she moved in. The Brontes, encouraged by their father to read poetry, novels and newspapers, were inspired by charismatic, romantic literary and real-life figures.

Yes, Darcy knows how to work the wet shirt look – but Rochester would probably just rip his shirt off.